Wednesday, March 24, 2010

American Idol is like watching a car crash

I'm trying really hard to not watch American Idol, but I guess I can't look away from a train wreck.
Last night I tuned in and just got angry at myself and the TV for doing so.
The good singers aren't really that good, they are just good compared to the other people on the show. None of the contestants this season are good enough for me to pay for their music. In fact, none of them are even good enough for me to download on bit torrent.
And the bad singers....whoa are they bad. They auditioned tens of thousands of people, and this was the best they could find? Pretty sad.
How exactly did Paige Miles make it this far? She is an awful singer, and a little freaky looking to boot. She took a great Phil Collins song (not something I say too often), and decimated it. To add insult to injury, if you watch the results show tonight, you will probably have to hear her sing it again. Why do they do that? "Let's take the worst person on the show, and make them sing the song again that got them kicked off the show". Brilliant! I hated it last night, and I am going to hate it even more the second time around. At least give them a chance to sing a different song. Give them a chance to go out in style, since it is the last time anyone is going to probably see most of these people ever again.

When I think American Idol, I think Elvis Presley. I think of thousands of teenage girls screaming and crying at the mere sight of their idol. Calling this show American Idol is a bold statement. It should just be called Pop Star or something that is little less aspirational. Several of the winners haven't even had any hit singles. Is Taylor Hicks or Reuben Studdard what you would call an idol? Taylor Hicks and his harmonica are playing Traffic covers to middleaged crowds, and Reuben is constantly saturating towels with buckets of sweat in quantities that would make Springsteen jealous.

Once Simon leaves, this show is toast. None of the other judges have any credibility. Ellen? If you like 40 second long pen analogies, she's your man...woman. Cara? She's turning into Paula. She tries way too hard to be deep and meaningful. Just tell us whether you liked the song or not. Randy? You can write a computer script in five minutes that would auto-generate Randy's critique. It'll go a little something like this: "Listen up dawg. You know what I liked about you dawg? You really sounded like Jeff Buckley on that song. It started out a little pitchy, but it turned out aight. You were 10 gajillion bazillion million percent better than last week, and I'm a fan dawg. YEAH YEAH!"

The only way to save this show is to bring in Howard Stern.

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