Kids, when I was your age, we didn't have the internet. We had to have our parents take a second mortgage on their house so they could buy us these giant sets of books called "encyclopedias". And by the time you got them, half of the information was obsolete, another third was just wrong. So we would get F's on reports because the book said that Alexander Hamilton shot Lincoln on the grassy knoll. We didn't have your newfangled "Wikipedias" and your play stations and your 28 skidoos. We had microfiche. We'd have to look up a subject at the library, and then get it on this big film roll thing and put it in a machine, and then try and find the info by scrolling through page after page of old newspaper pages projected on this crappy screen. And you think you have it so hard? Anyways what was I talking about? Oh yeah, encyclopedias. If you wanted to order them, you had to call a 1-800 number on the telephone, and not a cell phone, because we didn't have those either. Well some people had them but they were the size of your backpack. You used to wear backpacks on your back, and that's why they are called backpacks. Now your backpack has wheels and a handle on it because you're too much of a pussy to carry it on your back. But that's a whole other story (which I'll tell you the next time I'm drunk, but not this time) You couldn't order it online, because there was no internet, and if there was an internet, you wouldn't need encylopedias. Anyway, here's an old commercial for encyclopedias. It was probably recorded on betamax, (a type of VCR, which stands for video cassette recorder, which is a whole other story) because we didn't have tivo, or DVRs, or the internet. I swear this is not fake. Encyclopedias are a real thing. You can look it up on your wikipedia. Watch the commercial, and you'll know where your mandibula is.
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